As a mom, schoolteacher and lifetime dog lover, this is a topic near and dear to my heart. I can’t even begin to imagine raising my kids without dogs! But for many families the dream of a Lassie for their own Timmy turns in to a Cujo nightmare. I say it doesn’t have to be that way.
So.... The next several blog entries will cover my very non-expert opinion on how your dog(s) and kid(s) can have a relationship that gives you the warm fuzzies, instead of one that makes you cringe. And today’s topic class, is Respect. Specifically, that the KIDS must respect the dogs. (We’ll get to the dogs respecting the kids later.)
Here’s the scenario I see/hear/read so often.
“My dog doesn’t like my kid. I don’t get it. Fido is fine with adults, but when Junior comes around, Fido does (insert unwanted behavior of your choice – usually some sort of aggressive, or fear response).” Upon further conversation, you find out that the kid is in fact harassing the dog daily. There’s either fur pulling, “hugging”, eye poking, ear pinching, toy stealing, you name it. All excused by the fact that the child is a “typical” toddler, and just wants to love on Fido. As if Fido is supposed to be pre-programmed to put up with rude and painful behavior just because the person responsible for it makes cute gurgling noises. Newsflash to the moms and dads of the world: I don’t care how deep the dimples or how cute the grin, no one thinks your kid is as adorable as you do, least of all Fido as he’s trying his darndest to keep his corneas from being scratched by grubby kid fingers. But then here’s the kicker. Everyone always had a lab/golden/boxer growing up who let kids do open heart surgery on them and never so much as raised a lip. I tend to be a bit skeptical of childhood memories anyway, and I think most of these cases were ones of a shut-down dog, or one throwing out calming signals like crazy and the adults just not clueing in. In other words they got lucky. I’d rather not rely on luck when my kids face is at stake. So while I don’t deny that these legendary dogs do exist somewhere, I’m not going to expect my dog to be one of them. Instead, I’m going to teach my kids to respect the dogs.
First and foremost, Fido needs a “safe spot”. The obvious choice is a crate, and the rule is, under penalty of no Disney movies for the rest of their lives, no child is allowed to bother Fido in his crate. That means no talking to him, no “bumping” in to the crate, no sticking fingers in it, and of course, no getting in there with Fido. Fido needs to know that his crate is his haven, and ideally, when you do have an unsupervised moment (they happen to the best of us), and Fido gets beyond his comfort zone, he will get up and go to his crate to be left alone.
Along the same lines of the “safe spot”, kids are also not allowed to bother Fido while he’s eating, drinking, or sleeping. I’m not a fan of people staring at me while I eat, I don’t imagine my dogs much like it either. Now, asking a 18 month old to never approach a dog bowl is like asking Larry King to stay married. To this end, I AM a fan of helping Junior drop treats in Fido’s bowl as he’s eating – supervised and controlled. You want the dog to make positive associations with the kid near his bowl, so if the kid does slip away and stick his head in the bowl, you have a much better chance of Fido just looking puzzled instead of jumping right in to feeling like he has to defend his food. Some parents prefer to head the whole thing off at the pass and just feed in the crate, and IMO that works well too.
The sleeping thing is a tad more negotiable depending on your dog’s temperament. I’m married to a man who sometimes swats and the hand lovingly nudging him awake. Some dogs are the same way. Some dogs, especially those raised with kids as puppies, don’t seem to mind Junior flopping around while they’re trying to sleep. I don’t know that I’d let my kid do a dental inspection while this type of dog was sleeping, but I guess with more mellow mutts you can relax the sleeping rule. Again, the safe spot comes in to play, and if Fido has had enough, he can always go there and take a real nap.
Now to the scenario at the beginning of this blog. Kids have to be taught how to use their hands and bodies gently and respectfully with dogs. Even infants can (and IMO should) learn this. If a nursing baby can learn not to bite the boob that feeds her, she can also learn to exercise restraint when petting Fido. And this is where supervision comes in. We hear it all the time – never, ever, ever, EVER, leave kids and dogs alone unsupervised together. And when they are together, supervise, supervise, supervise. Well, what does that mean exactly? You supervise not only so you can teach the pup proper behavior around the kid in the moment, but also so you can teach the KID proper behavior around the dog. Supervision doesn’t mean watch carefully as your kid sticks his finger up the dog’s nose. It means watch carefully and STOP the kid from sticking his finger up the dog’s nose to begin with. We give kids boundaries all the time, why shouldn’t they extend to the dogs too? I don’t let my kids pull my own hair, and I birthed them! Why should the dogs have to endure it?
The added bonus of teaching your kids to be kind and respect their furry family members, is not only the daily practice in self-control, but also, that you’re teaching your little one empathy. A hard concept for any “mememememe” toddler. IME, kids seem to “get” empathy better, when you relate it to an animal. Eventually this empathy will extend to other humans. That’s a good thing!
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Kids and Dogs Part one: Respect
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ouesi started a blog post Kids and Dogs Part one: RespectKids and Dogs Part one: Respect
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#7ouesi commented07-03-2010, 05:38 PMEditing a commentThank you Tonya
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#8Dickie Best commented04-21-2011, 11:27 PMEditing a commentThanks just learning how to blog . I thought i was suppose to dance or something. Just kidding. I have a 20 month old grand daughter, things are going well right now but i expect business to pick up as she gets older . I see i am not to far off in my thinking or rather what i have learned here. Thanks . And boy did crdane ever hit the nail on the head in regards to kids and respect. If you ever look back over here thanks to you also.
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#9barkleighsmom commented04-12-2012, 06:11 PMEditing a commentI love this post. Thank you so much for writing it!!!
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